Speaking the Language of your child – Part 2

I wrote about speaking the language of your child last year. I had great feedback through the Facebook page for this particular post, so I am continuing the discussion. What are we saying and sharing with our children? Do we need to listen to them?

In today’s blog, I would like to touch on the topic of imparting our wisdom to our children, and doing that in a way that is of least resistance and has more cooperation.

As parents, we love our children unconditionally; we want our children to excel, to be happy, to live their dream lives, to achieve in whatever pursuit they venture into …

So we “guide” them, everyday… imparting our knowledge – how to go about it, when to study, how to build their dreams, how to… when to… what to…

Let’s look at the image above… what do you see?

Sometimes we get frustrated or downright angry and disappointed when they don’t follow what we tell them. Whether it is the lack of understanding of what we are trying to say or totally ignoring our advice? Why? … Well, maybe … if we are nagging.

What are we sharing with our children?

Do you think they understand what we are trying to say or tell them?

Questions that we have to ask ourselves…

What are we sharing?

• Were the messages thought through properly and consciously? or
• Something that we “think” they “should” do is just because we (the seniors) think so?
• Whose opinion is it that the messages are right?
• If it is yours, on what basis do you think the opinion is right?

I have personally raised many opinions/ideas/guides with my children that I THOUGHT was right, based on my own opinion, my own analysis… however, they may have been made from my fear/response from my subconscious (this will be covered in another blog post).

For example, I have a prejudice against pubs/alcohol … and I have expressed negatives thoughts and opinions about it. But that does not stop my kids from enjoying it.

Why?

That’s because those are my opinions and judgments and not theirs.

So, before judging your kids’ attitude or behaviour, understand that every child is unique, has his or her unique gifts, and has different ways of processing messages, different way of expressing their emotions…

The message today is to start listening  – before imparting your message in a way your children can understand.

You can start with:

• Discussing the message ( example: drinking) that you would like to share with your child
• Listening to what they have to say
• Putting yourself in your child’s position and acknowledging their feelings (empathy)
• Listening to their why’s * their intentions/motives/needs
• Asking them how are they going to achieve/overcome it
• Listing down the steps, and setting the target and goal, and working with them.

These steps apply to all children at any age. The reasoning and the goals have to come from your child in order for them to be more effective (but with guidance and boundaries).

The important message from this blog is – Let your children tell you the WHY! Before imparting your message! So that the guidance and wisdom will be more aligned to your children’s needs and their level of understanding. We need to connect with our children by listening – and that means truly listening.

Speak the language of your child!

If you find this article useful, please share your comment or share it with your friends.

Have a connected day with your family!

Comments

comments