Being a parent is a blessing in itself. We learn and grow together as a family everyday. Sometimes events happen that force us to face the challenges … even more than usual. That’s OK… because I believe that everything happens for a reason; they happen in order to bring a new awareness for you (to learn something new). I welcome this experience to really understand what the missing message is.
You see, as parents, we would really want to believe that we have passed on our good habits, values and beliefs to our children and so empower them to be the best they can.
I am going to share with you an event that happened to my family recently, and that event really challenged me to think whether we had done enough of passing on the “responsibility” component to my children. This is the topic of my message – Responsibility Vs Ownership!
Here is the story. My daughter, Eileen, who is now in her first year of university, has wanted a dog ever since she was a little girl. For so many years, she was still holding on to the idea of owning her own dog. We told her that when she finished high school, and when she has more time, we would think about it.
We discussed with her the time commitment, the financial commitment, the overall welfare of the dog etc, and she agreed with all the requirements. But we were not convinced that she would have the time to be there for the dog, as we knew her time commitment when the university course started.
My daughter persisted with the idea…so we suggested that she foster a dog from the pound for her to try. The idea was welcomed by everyone at home; however, it did not eventuate. Then she came across the advertisement by the Assistance Dogs Australia. They were looking for trainers in the local area to help train their puppies. “It will be a 12-18 months commitment of looking after the dog, plus the trainer must be committed to train the dog daily and attend formal classes twice week. The trainer must also adhere to the entire training cue and the Assistance Dog Australia’s guidelines.”
Eileen was very excited, and we discussed it and agreed that she could apply. The interview process started and she was given an 8 week old Golden Retriever – Goldie.
Goldie is like any other puppy; she is so cute, so lovable, and so cuddly. She also chews anything she can get her teeth onto… and that includes my slipper (Above picture).
When we agreed to support my daughter’s decision to train an assistance dog, the concept of training a dog did not hit her or us until she actually got the puppy. You see, Goldie is not a “pet”; she is a “working dog”, which means the training has to be disciplined. We are to give her the proper food, follow the proper training programs, report back to the Association looking after the welfare of the dog… What Eileen did not realise was what follows the cuteness is the “never ending” responsibility of looking after the puppy, which meant…
Let me name a few…number one on the list is toilet training, which is every two to three hours and the cue to this is “toilet”. So Eileen has to make sure that Goldie understands what “toilet” means…and she will be doing for the next 12 months. On top of that, we have to stretch Goldie’s sleeping time in the night… so her last “toilet” time is between 9.30pm – 10.30pm, which means someone will have to stay up until then to take her out and put her back in her crate later…and hoping that she will sleep until 5.30am. And the whole process starts again…and who is going to do the 5.30am toilet round?
On top of that, Eileen has to attend two training sessions per week for the first few weeks to truly understand how to handle puppies and instill good habits from the start. An average puppy can learn up to ten habits in a day, so we have to be very careful not to introduce the “bad” habit to Goldie, such as having too much freedom, “ignoring” basic commands, providing too much attention etc…
Now the story really begins, due to her studies, assignments, projects, socialising, Eileen barely has the time to do the daily training. Therefore since I work from home, the responsibility automatically fell on me. I have to be the main trainer on the week days.
Hey, what’s happening here?
Does that sound familiar?
It was crazy! I barely had the time to do my work, and now I have an added responsibility of this puppy? The puppy routine really turned our lives upside down. I was (actually we were) so exhausted from the lack of sleep for settling down the puppy for the first few nights, I had to miss out on a seminar because I was just too exhausted to go. Our household was in a very chaotic state; it was just like having a brand new baby or toddler at home. We were seriously questioning what we had agreed to and whether we could really commit to the task for 12-18 months.
At this stage, we have two options; we can either opt for the easy option and throw in the towel, and allow my daughter to let go of her commitment. Or we can stick together and support her, and allow her to grow into the role that she first committed to do.
So what did we do?
We chose the latter!
So what have we learned from the whole experience?
< To be continued the next day> https://gokids.com.au/what-are-we-teaching-our-children-these-days
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