Let your child know it is all right to fail, because by not succeeding is part of learning!
As parents, there is one thing that I am absolutely sure about, and that is we love our children unconditionally. We would love them to grow up being happy and successful.
All these success traits start from a young age. You see, they learn from observing and modeling what you do, say and act, as well as from school, the community and people around them.
Through observating and listening, they understand and know about things consciously. But in order for them to thrive and be enthusiastic about the things they do, they need to be able to feel and experience the actual "doing". The connections between doing and the outcome are postive. That's why during science classes, students need to experiment through trial and error.
Let them experience and try tasks
You see, some parents tend to "do it" or "finish off" the "doing" for their children. For example, when they see their children struggling with tying shoe laces, they "help" their children with the laces. Or they "help" with their children's clothes, changing and buttoning up the shirts, or feeding them. Perhaps tell them how to study, what to study, what they should achieve, which musical instruments to play, which after school activities to do, how to behave … and so on. Often we basically "help" our children to "do" and "think".
Yes, I DID plenty of "helping" and "thinking" when my children were small; either I was rushing for time and needed things done quickly, or I was too "impatient" or "controlling" as I needed things to be done in a certain way or I needed to "protect" them from struggling. I acted out of the belief that I did not feel they were capable …
When you do that to your children, you are taking away from them the "fun" of trying and experimenting, and the unknown of the outcome and accomplishment that they need to find out for themselves. Your children may not know what's involved in getting the things done, i.e. what does it take to tie the shoe laces, or button up the shirt, or putting on the socks and shoes. In other words, your children's capabilities are not tested and challenged.
By helping them, your children may develop a belief that why bother trying, as Mum or Dad will just do it anyway or override what they have already accomplished. Or your child may think that he or she has accomplished the task by tying the shoe laces part of the way and is happy about it. However, the parent will "override" it as "unacceptable"… by so demonstrating that your child may believe that "I am incapable and I am not good enough, no matter how hard I've tried, it is never right etc…" It can become a vicious circle.
Just let them to it
Let them try…
Allow your toddlers to eat out of their hands and feet if they need to, or use toddler friendly spoons. Allow them to feel, to trial, to experiment. One great idea is to provide dry food (example: plain cooked rice) for your toddler to handle himself and as he tries to put the food in his mouth, and you can "slot" the actual dinner/lunch in together with a spoon during that time.
Allow your preschoolers to play and handle raw food when you are cooking, helping with cake making, or chopping the vegetables (with kids friendly utensils). Or let them help setting the tables, folding clothes or tying his or her shoe laces…
Allow your school aged children to help you with your meal preparation and grocery shopping, and let them sweep the floor, do gardening, handle his or her own budget, make their own lunches… etc.
When they start to physically feel the things they are doing, only then are they able to connect with what they are trying to do and feel his or her way into it. By doing, they are able to create their own challenge at their own pace; that's when they start observing, learning and improving as they go along.
…. Just let them do it!
Your child needs to know that it is OK to fail!