Every emotion has a story behind it.
Let's imagine this, you have been turning and tossing all night, and are already stressed the moment you wake up. You have been thinking and planning about your day ahead and the things that are already lined up …the children’s before school activities, then you have to head to work, children's after school activities, you have not planned for dinner yet, and you know your family will need their meal the moment they step into the door…
What happens next?
Frustration?…Anger?…Resentment?…Arguing?… …Yelling at children…or yelling at your spouse?… Feeling depressed and frustrated from a lack of support?…Blaming the world for your unhappiness?
I know what it was like… I walked that path before.
From my own experience, I was not aware of how my actions and emotional-being impacted on my family. I thought I was doing everything right in terms of how to support my family, giving my all to create an environment that I thought would enable everyone to be happy and thrive.
But little did I realise I was wearing myself thin with exhaustion, thinking and worrying about everyone and everything EXCEPT myself!
Let's pause for a moment and think… If you are currently walking this path, I would like you to take a moment and ask yourself this question:
What are you worrying about?
Worrying about your children's exam marks; are they good enough?
Worrying about whether you are a good parent and have done enough to support your children and your spouse?
Worrying whether you are good home maker and your home is presentable for friends?
Worrying whether you are good enough parent to your children or good enough friend to all your friends?
Worrying… worrying… worrying… and keep pushing yourself… and pushing… and pushing…
Let's pause for a moment and think:
WHAT ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT? What is triggering you and challenging you at the moment?
Sometimes we are so caught up with the busyness in the day that we forget about what really matters: Why do we do what we do?
What actually do we worry about?
What are you feeling?
What was that emotion that you've just experienced – your emotional-being?
What kind of person are you "BE-ING" when you do what you do or say what you are saying? i.e. I am being angry and feeling unsorpported, helpless, unreasonable…
I would like you to take out your journal and pen; I would like you to use your hand and start writing… connecting your heart and your mind. Just start wherever you are comfortable… such as "I am so frustrated… " or "I am so angry…" and just let your mind and pen do their jobs.
It is common to say, when one is reactive (being angry or triggered) to a situation, there is always an underlying reason for the reaction/s. So how do you identify the triggers?
First step – take responsibility for your emotions. Take charge of identifying what is the cause of the triggers and what steps do you need to overcome them.
Start by asking yourself these four questions:
- What are you feeling right now?
- What do you want?
- What kind of person are you being right now?
- What do you need to be in order to achieve what you want?
WHAT ARE YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW?
In other words, what are you experiencing emotionally when you are triggered, i.e. by your children? by your spouse? or by an unpleasant event that you've encountered?
When one is triggered, most people (me included) would not be aware of why they are feeling this way; the only thing that you are aware of is the tension in your muscles or an upset stomach.
Take a step back, bring your consciousness to the forefront, take note of your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions… feel where the emotions are in your body…label the emotions.
Work out what are your emotions; was it fear? If so, what is the fear about?
WHAT DO YOU WANT
Set your intention, i.e. What do you want to achieve? What do you really want?
Example: you want to be more calm, happier and be more fun etc.
WHAT ARE YOU BEING/FEELING RIGHT NOW?
Am I being fearful?
Am I being present?
WHAT DO YOU NEED RIGHT NOW in order to fulfill your intentions?
What do you need to do or be so that you can move on?
Do you need to be more confident with yourself?
More empathy for yourself?
Believe that you have the answers in you… Take charge of your life and your emotional well being. Don't allow the circumstances or environment control your emotions and feelings. Take back the control… but it all starts with self AWARENESS.