It was not until I walked the path of self-awareness, that I truly appreciated how my emotions, that is my emotional well being and they were affecting the well being my family.
It all started with an interesting conversation with my husband about whether one is actually aware of one's daily actions and inactions? What makes one feel one way and the other people feeling completely different?
Well, it would take a whole book to answer the above question; however, for today's blog, I am going to use an example of a busy mum…
If a mum is constantly on the go… doing… rushing … feeling stressed, being unhappy about the situation in her life, how does she feel? The demands in her life force her to keep going.. i.e. full time work or helping the spouse with running the business, or supporting a very busy spouse who is consumed by work and rarely present, plus looking after the family's well-being, children's school runs and their homework. By the end of the day, after preparing a healthy meal for the family and washing up, folding or ironing clothes for next day… the mum is just so exhausted, let alone had any time for herself.
What happens next?
Frustration…Anger…Resentment…Arguing…Quarrelling…Yelling at children… or yelling at your spouse… Feeling depressed and frustrated for lack of support…Blaming the world for your unhappiness…
For what? What are you angry about?
I know what it was like… I walked that path before…
From my own experience, I was not aware of how my actions and emotional-being had impacted on my family. I thought I was doing everything right in terms of how to support my family, giving my all to create an environment that I thought would enable everyone to be happy and thrive. But little did I realise I was wearing myself thin with exhaustion, thinking and worrying about everyone and everything EXCEPT myself!
I was so busy…
Worrying about my children's exam marks; are they good enough?
Worrying about whether I have done enough to support my children and spouse?
Worrying whether the home is presentable for friends
Worrying whether I was a good enough parent to my children or good enough as a friend to all my friends…
Worrying… worrying… worrying… and keep pushing… and pushing… and pushing…
And by the end of the day… What was I worrying about? What was my mental state? What kind of person was I being?
Let's pause for a moment and think… If you are currently walking this path, I would like you to take a moment and ask yourself this question…
WHAT ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT? What is it that is triggering you and challenging you at the moment?
I would like you to take out your journal and pen; I would like you to use your hand and start writing… connecting your heart and your mind. Just start wherever you are comfortable… such as "I am so frustrated… " or "I am so angry…" and just let your mind and pen do their jobs.
Sometimes we are so caught up with the busyness in our day that we forget about what really matters: why do we do what we do, what actually do we worry about? What are you feeling? What was that emotion that you've just experienced – your emotional-being? What kind of person are you BEING when you do what you do or say what you are saying?
It is common to say, when one is reactive (being angry or triggered) to a situation, there is always an underlying reason for the reaction/s. So how do you identify the triggers?
First step – take responsibility for your emotions. Take charge of identifying what is the cause of the triggers and what steps do you need to overcome them.
Start by asking yourself these four questions:
- What are you feeling right now?
- What do you want?
- What kind of person are you being right now?
- What do you need to be in order to achieve what you want?
WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?
In other words, what are you experiencing emotionally when you are triggered, i.e. by your children? by your spouse? or by an unpleasant event that you've encountered?
When one is triggered, most people (me included) would not be aware of why they are feeling this way; the only thing that you are aware of is the tension in your muscles or an upset stomach…
Take a step back, bring your consciousness to the forefront, take note of your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions… feel where the emotions are in your body…label the emotions…
Work out what are your emotions; was it fear? If so, what is the fear about?
WHAT DO YOU WANT
Set your intention, i.e. What do you want to achieve? What do you really want?
Example, you want to be more calm, happier and be more fun etc.
WHAT ARE YOU BEING/FEELING RIGHT NOW?
Am I being fearful?
Am I being present?
WHAT DO YOU NEED RIGHT NOW in order to fulfill your intentions?
What do you need to do or be to move on?
Do you need to be more confident with yourself?
More empathy for yourself?
Believe that you have the answers in you… Take charge of your life and and your emotional well being. Don't allow the circumstances or environment to control your emotions and feelings. Take back the control… but it all starts with self AWARENESS.
Self awareness and your emotional well being is your first step to healing and empowerment!