OK – Children meltdown…. As we mentioned in previous post, children feel fear, hunger, anxiousness, sadness, jealousy, upsets… and because their nervous systems and language skills are still developing, they will rely on what they have to relay their message across. It can be through their language – whether through sounds – screams, crying or yelling, or with their body – hitting, biting, fighting, slamming the door, pushing etc.
Your children's temper tantrums and meltdowns can be one of the more challenging situations you have to face. This is the time where there is a potential for some parents to "LOSE" it.
Question – can you remain calm during this time or do you react?
I have to put my hand up … I am one of the mums that lost it many times! When my children had a meltdown or they did not cooperate… something shifted and resulted in me reacting to their behavior.
It was not pretty, and I felt awful after those knee-jerked situations, but I did not understand why I reacted badly during those trying times.
However, through many years of reading, healing and coaching sessions, I can fully appreciate and fully understand the feelings, the anxiousness, the stress, the chaos, the fear that parents face during their child's meltdown moments.
So why do parents react?
There may be many reasons, but generally you may have been told your feelings were not acceptable when you were young when expressing your emotions. You've therefore made a decision to never show your feelings or not to be vulnerable because you formed a belief from a young age that your feelings were not important or were even dangerous to own.
So when your children have their meltdowns, your inner child in you is triggered. The memories in your subconscious that say " feelings are not acceptable or dangerous" resurfaced – and triggered a sense of panic in you, that is, whether to flee, fight or hide.
The above scenario describes your internal dialogue – your subconscious memories that you have repressed and that kept you safe all those times.
Healing journey – Bringing your emotions to the surface
Take some time to think about it for a while….
I would really like you to imagine you are the 3rd party looking in, seeing yourself facing a very unhappy and unsettled child…
How was the scenario? Ask yourself:
- How do I feel? Identify the emotion and label it.
- How do I react? Be very specific — did you yell back? Were you physical? What was the level of your anger?
- What was the body language?
Grab your pen and journal and start writing down your thoughts, feelings, and attach a label to those emotions.
i.e. When my child screams, I feel_________, (angry, scared, anxious, a shame…)
Be as honest as possible; you really need to sit with the sensation, the feelings, the emotions…
NOW – where do you think those emotions of yours come from?
This is something you need to dig a bit deeper for. Continue to journal.
Please note: My intention is not for you to beat yourself up (we have done enough of that)… I just want to bring your subconscious beliefs to your consciousness.
Your journey to healing your emotional hurts starts with AWARENESS!
Have a connected day with your family.